"Hello, we are Those People Who Pretend to be Coffee or Tea Snobs, But Really Aren't."

I'm the man who diligently looks over the various coffee bean selections, quietly reciting their names to myself: "Hmm, I don't think I want Ethiopian today... Could be a good day for Celebes..." and so on. I'm putting on the front that I can discern the nuances in flavor between the various blends, but it's obvious that I don't really know what I'm talking about since I pronounce "Celebes" as "celebs" and I always end up purchasing the house blend of the day. I would never admit this, however, instead declaring, "You know, I think I'm up for the smokey flavor of a light cup of Sumatran today," a sentence full of coffee-sounding jargon that makes no sense.

Or, I'm the woman who has to look through every packet of tea in the coffee shop premises, describing why each variety would or would not be good for today. "Hmmm, Earl Grey would suit me well for a rainy day, but I really don't think that Chamomile would put me in the right kind of mood." In the end, I just pick whatever packet looks the prettiest, chalking up my reasoning to the scent or the "smoothness" of the tea.

It's very nice to meet you.