"Hello, we are Those Indecisive People Who Continually Change Their Minds While in the Process of Ordering."

I'm the lady who comes in and stands at the counter and looks over the menu for a good ten to fifteen minutes, pondering what she wants to get. After surveying the choices, I start a strenuous conversation which goes something like this:

CUSTOMER: Hmmmm...I think I want one of those Iced Nirvanas...it sounds good...
BARISTA: OK, will that be all for you?
CUSTOMER: No, I think that's goo- what a minute, do you sell smoothies here?
BARISTA: Yes ma'am, we do.
CUSTOMER: What kind do you have?
(The barista shows the lady the list of smoothies. A few people enter the coffee shop and stand in line behind her. The lady stares at the smoothie list.)
CUSTOMER: I'd like a...is there sugar in the smoothies?
BARISTA: There's real fruit sugars, yes, but nothing add-
CUSTOMER: Oh that won't do. (Barista looks confused) Hmmmm....I don't knoooooooooooooooow...(mumbles) What else do you have that's not coffee?
BARISTA: Well, besides the smoothies, we have Italian sodas and-
CUSTOMER: Oooo, what's that?
BARISTA: It's flavors of your choice in carbonated soda with cream.
CUSTOMER: (pauses) That. I'll have that. What are my choices?
(The barista shows the customer the list of flavors right in front of her, and makes apologetic eye contact with the people in line behind her.)
CUSTOMER: Ummmmmmm...welllllllllllllllllllllll...raspberry sounds good. I'll have that.
BARISTA: (ringing up the order) OK, that'll be two dollars and-
CUSTOMER: Oh wait. (pause) Uhhhhhhhh...can you put flavors in tea instead?
BARISTA: (defeated) Yes. Would you like a raspberry tea instead?
CUSTOMER: Oh, I don't know...(sighs) I'm sorry that I'm taking so long...
BARISTA: If you need some time, I can just serve the people behind-
CUSTOMER: Oh no, I'll have the tea.
BARISTA: OK. Raspberry tea. (voids the old order, rings up the new one) That'll be...
CUSTOMER: Wait. (barista and other customers muffle groans) Raspberry orrrrrr peach...maybe peach would be...(mumbles) You know, I don't think I'm really in the mood for tea.
BARISTA: (exasperated, voiding the tea order, attempting to stay polite) OK, well I need your order, there's people in line.
CUSTOMER: Welllllllllllllll...OK, never mind. I'll just have a Diet Coke.
BARISTA: Is Diet Dr Pepper OK?
CUSTOMER: You don't have Coke? (barista shakes his head) Hmmmmm....welllllllllllllllllllllll...yeah, OK, I guess I can do a Dr Pepper.
BARISTA: (relieved) Alright then, that'll be $1.19.
(The customer pulls out her checkbook. The people in line move up, ready to place their orders. While rummaging for a pen, she notices the pastries.)
CUSTOMER: Oh wait, what is that cake right there?...
(etc etc etc)

It's very nice to meet you.

"Hello, we are Those People Who Expect the Coffee Shop to be Something Other Than a Coffee Shop."

I'm the person who comes in and asks questions like, "Do you sell sandwiches?" or "Do you sell eggs and bacon?" or "Do you sell ice cream?" or "Do you sell doughnuts?" or "Do you sell mini pizzas?" or any other number of items that are advertised nowhere on the coffee shop premises. Sometimes, I just come up to the counter and begin to order one of these items without even asking. For some reason, I assume that this is a deli or bakery or ice cream parlor, even though the coffee shop doesn't promote itself as such. I also assume that this establishment will carry the same products as Starbucks or Subway or Denny's, even though it is in no affiliated with any of these places. And as is typical, I leave disgruntled when the coffee shop doesn't cater to my non-coffee-shop-related needs.

It's very nice to meet you.

"Hello, we are Those People Who Expect Every Barista to Know Their Regular Drink Orders."

I have made a habit of coming to the coffee shop around the same time every day, and accordingly I've built a repertoire with the employees who usually work during that shift. They know my order, so that I no longer have to say "I'd like a tall quadruple-shot skinny hazelnut latte no foam" but just "I'll have my usual." Somewhere along the way I got the idea that everyone employed at the coffee shop knows my order, even when I come in during a different shift and no one working knows who I am. When I get my order and find out that they left the foam on it or made it with whole milk, I throw a fit and demand to know where the "good" baristas are - even though I never told the current workers my special order.

I also freak out if the price I'm charged by the "new" barista is slightly more than the usual price. This is usually because the "regular" barista forgets to factor in the price of extra flavors or extra espresso shots, but heaven forbid that I pay the extra 25¢.

It's very nice to meet you.

"Hello, we are Those People Who Come In Ten Minutes Before Closing and Don't Want to Leave."

We're the couple that shows up at the coffee shop around 9:50pm when we're well aware of the fact that the place closes at 10. While most of the other customers are gathering their things to leave, we're up at the counter, taking our time deciding what we want, and we generally decide to order something like a Mudslide (ice cream shake with espresso) that's messy and takes a while to make. We'll probably order a couple of bagels too. We also make sure that the employees know that our order is "for here" and not "to go."

Once we get our items, we sit down at one of the tables and talk for as long as we can, while we watch the baristas turn off the "OPEN" sign, clean the tables, wash the dishes, close the register, etc. When their patience finally grows thin and they ask us to leave, we're incredulous about how we could be asked to vacate a business that's closed down for the night. We ask if they might be able to stay open just a little while (maybe an hour?) longer, and when our request is denied we leave in a huff. The nerve of some people - I thought the customer was always right!

It's very nice to meet you.

"Hello, we are Those People Who Try to Order Coffee and Talk on Their Cellphones at the Same Time."

I'm the guy who comes in with his cell phone glued to his ear, talking loudly and standing in front of the counter. Whenever I come to a break in my conversation, I quickly make eye contact and try to order something. I often ask questions about what types of bagels the shop offers or what kind of milk is available, but before the employee can respond I'm talking on my phone again and miss his or her answer. And if you ask me to clarify my order, I give you a hurried nonsensical response and get offended when you mess up my vague order.

It's very nice to meet you.