"Hello, we are Those People Who Order an Item They're Not Familiar With and Then Complain Because It's Not What They Really Wanted."

I'm the lady who orders an espresso (which I call an "expresso") because I think it sounds refined and coffee shop-ish, thinking that it's some kind of drink similar to a cup of Folger's coffee. When I get a small cup with a few shots of bitter espresso in it, I complain that my drink has been messed up, and possibly even accuse the baristas of giving me "a used drink."* I could also be the guy who orders a latte and then complains because the drink is hot instead of cold, even though it was clearly listed on the menu under "Warmers" instead of "Chillers." I could also be the person who orders a cappuccino and complains that it's "too foamy," the person who points out that I'm lactose intolerant after ordering a drink without asking for soy milk, or the person who asks for a shot of regular espresso to be put in my decaf coffee "to add flavor," then questions if it'll have too much caffeine.

Whoever I am, it's very nice to meet you.


*Author's Note: When I was a barista, a lady actually really did accuse me of doing this once when she ordered an espresso. I thought to myself, "Why, of course, we were cleaning off a table and saw a half-consumed latte and figured 'She'll never notice' and gave you that drink. That's exactly what we do at this coffee shop. Are you kidding me?!" End rant.