"Hello, we are Those People Who Treat Their Orders as Interrogations."

I'm the lady who comes in and intently surveys all of the pastries, asking about each and every one of them. "What kind of bagel is this?" "Does this cookie have nuts?" "Is this fat free?" I'm a close cousin of Those Indecisive People Who Continually Change Their Minds While in the Process of Ordering, but while those people simply can't make up their minds, I insist upon learning every minute detail about my future purchase. If the barista doesn't know whether or not an item is kosher (for non-religious reasons) or the exact date that this pastry was made or other details of this nature, I assume they're simply not equipped to work at a coffee house. I'm not about to spend my money without knowing exactly what goes into my $2 snack, regardless how much grief I have to give the staff to find out.

It's very nice to meet you.