"Hello, we are Those People Who are Overly Pretentious About Using Their Purchases for Their Pet Causes."

I'm the guy who comes in and asks if the coffee shop has Fair Trade coffee. When the baristas say yes they do, I launch into a lengthy sermon, declaring, "Oh good, because I only buy Fair Trade products. I just think it's ridiculous how little those plantation workers in [Indonesia/Kenya/Mexico/wherever] get paid, and we really need to do something to help them." I then go on to decry the evils of Wal-mart, Target, and other large corporations.

You can only imagine what kind of monologue I deliver at the coffee shops that do not serve Fair Trade products.

I make sure everyone in earshot knows that I care about social justice before I sit down with my MacBook and start listening to Coldplay on my iTunes. Of course, I would never admit to anyone that my commitment to changing the world starts and ends with my cup of the Sumatran blend, and that I really care more about impressing that hot girl at my university who's always wearing that "MY HEART IS BEEPING" Save Darfur t-shirt. But hey, supporting my cause through my coffee order is the least I can do (...literally).

It's very nice to meet you.