"Hello, we are Those People Who Want Impossibly Paradoxical Amounts of Coffee in Their Beverages."

I'm the woman who mulls over the menu, and then comments, "I want something without much coffee in it..." The barista, trying to be helpful, recommends the various non-coffee selections, including smoothies, blended ices, Italian sodas, and teas. I nod affirmatively, then say, "You know, I think I'd really like a latte."

After a moment of incredulous silence, the barista gently tries to point out that a latte has espresso in it. I shake my head and grumble, "I know that, but could you make it with a little less coffee?"

When I get my latte made with only half a shot of espresso, I complain that it doesn't taste like it should and give it back to the baristas, asking for "just a little more" coffee in it. They add another shot of espresso, but when I taste my drink this time, I am overwhelmed with the coffee flavor. I angrily give my drink back and ask for a refund.

It's very nice to meet you.