I'm the man who has done his homework on this whole coffee business thing, and has learned some secrets from Wikipedia and other internet sources that the caffeine-peddling establishment does not want the common people to know. Of course I cannot keep this knowledge to myself, so I pass it along to the baristas and anyone else in earshot when I stop by the coffee shop.
A sampling includes:
"You know, soy milk causes cancer, and lowers testosterone levels in men, which lead sto impotence."
"You know, [major coffee chain] really controls all coffee distribution in the US. It's all kickbacks and such to their powerful CEOs."
"You know, cow's milk is actually damaging to the human skeleton. Dairy farmers and such tell you that it's good for your bones, but the opposite is really true."
"You know, bagels and other bread products will kill you, the carbohydrates will block your arteries."
Aside from actually believing what I'm saying, the most remarkable thing about me is that I think I can change the minds of my audience. Surprisingly, I have yet to have a barista exclaim, "Oh my gosh, you're right! Soy is lethal!" and then tear off his apron and run out of the shop.
It's very nice to meet you.
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