I'm the guy who spent one summer up in the Pacific Northwest with a buddy of mine, and in addition to improving my taste in music and "being about social justice," I have fallen in love with the birthplace of Starbucks and Seattle's Best. I became accustomed to ridiculously elaborate coffee foam art and precisely pulled espresso shots, not to mention inventive and delectable drinks (all of which are completely Fair Trade).
However, I have returned home to the Midwest or the South or some other region - all of them are the same, really, once you've experienced True Civilization. And I am come into the coffee shop I used to enjoy before my regional conversion experience, and realize how flawed my tasted used to be. The foam on my drink has no designs, the menu only offers your standard coffee fare; why, I don't even think my barista has a Master's Degree! I try to explain the proper way to make my drink, but I feel like I'm talking to some alien species. I need to get out of this hell hole fast, and back to the place where coffee is done the right way, by the people in black aprons.
It's very nice for you to meet me, isn't it?
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