"Hello, we are Those People Who Expect the Independent Coffee Shop to be Exactly Like Starbucks."

I'm the man who has made a habit of making a daily Starbucks stop, but decided to change things up and check out this "other" coffee shop that I always pass on my way to and from work. Upon looking at the menu, I'm aghast to find that the drinks and food items are not exactly the same as Starbucks. This doesn't phase me, however, as I still try to order a Venti White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino, even though the drinks sizes at this establishment are clearly advertised as "small," "medium," and "large," and "Frappuccino" is a registered trademark which cannot be sold by other franchises. When the baristas explain this and attempt to offer a similar alternative, I simply repeat my order more slowly as if this will magically give them the ability to infringe on Starbucks' copyrights. I don't understand why all of the coffee shops in the world are not yet conforming to the Starbucks model - this Mom & Pop establishment is quaint and all, but I'd rather have the standard institutional monotony of the brand name franchise.

It's very nice to meet you.