"Hello, we are Those People Who Defer to the Promises of an Imaginary Barista."

I'm the man who claims to be a regular customer, if by "regular customer" one means "that guy who stopped by once three weeks ago." While placing my order, I inform the workers that I came to an agreement with the barista who works early Thursday afternoons. This helpful employee agreed that I could get soy milk in my drink with no additional charge since I'm lactose intolerant, or that I could purchase a latte for the price of a normal cup of coffee since it's late in the day, or get a free bagel with my beverage since I work for a school district in another county.

The only catch is this: no barista who works at this establishment would make those kinds of promises. The workers ask what this phantom employee looked like, and I respond with something along the lines of, "Oh, it's a girl with long hair, she had on a brown apron," or something equally ambiguous. One of the current baristas mentions that he usually works Thursday afternoons and none of the girls who work during that time would say those kinds of things. Finally, the baristas decline the offer that I insist I was promised. Why won't they believe in my fictitious coffee shop friend?

It's very nice to meet you.