"Hello, we are Those People Who Justify Themselves for Not Tipping."

I'm the lady who purchases her drink with a large bill and receives a few dollar bills in change instead of a handful of coins. I look at the tip jar, and thoughtfully inspect the one dollar bills in my hand. I know it would nice to give a little gratuity, but don't think I can afford to part with one hundred important cents. Instead of simply walking off like many customers do, however, I attempt to make amends by explaining my lack of a tip. "I'm sorry, but I really need to have some cash on hand," I say. "If I had a little less I would give you that, but I really need to hold on to this."

I then drop my one dollar bills into my purse where they will inevitably find their way to the bottom of the bag and be forgotten, while the baristas feel paradoxically more insulted than if I had simply said nothing. At least I didn't steal any of the tip money, though.

It's very nice to meet you.